A few things I notice

A few things I have noticed and pondered recently:

• There is a difference in the attitudes and appearance of people in cities versus those in villages or other more remote areas. People in cities often appear to be constantly stuck in a hamster wheel, located somewhere in their headspace. They look tensed, out of touch with their body, in a rush to be somewhere that only exists in their heads, judging from how tense the face looks.

• These “city” attitudes influence the way everything works. Practices are often turned into “shoulds”. Something that doesn’t need any rush can be turned into something to coast through at high velocity in order to … (get to the next thing/satisfy the head/something else along those lines). Depth and insights are often replaced by superfluous velocity for the sake of doing.

• When you meet and wish to connect with someone, it may take some time. No matter where you are. There is, very often, an initial lubrication period required to establish a baseline of okayness. “I am okay, you are okay — we can connect now”. This initial period, which can be short or longer depending on the environment and context where you meet and your intentions, can be practiced as an ability.

  The ability to enjoy and be willing to do small talk, so to speak. This seems necessary because, naturally, we have barriers (to different extents depending on personality and attitudes) protecting us from outsiders, intrusions, foes, and danger that could disrupt our status quo.

  I believe this is something that effective salespeople, for example, practice and focus on a lot, because connection is an essential part of their job. It is possible to integrate this ability without losing the soul; it may be, in fact, required. We often confuse small talk with deception, not being the real self. It doesn’t have to be that way at all. We can genuinely enjoy and be interested in other people, their stories, and how they show up in the world.

All of the points mentioned above are contagious. Meaning that I am inevitably influenced by them. When I see people rush, I may think they have something important to do, and I must do the same in order to live better, be more satisfied, reduce suffering, and not feel isolated.

I can also decide to explore a new, different way of doing things instead. Do something of my own that I consider more carefully than what the surface-level environment shows me. And such a different way can be contagious for others in the same way. Ultimately, we do choose which game(s) to play, or at least it is very useful, in my opinion, to believe that we can choose the games we play. A sense of agency drives action and evolution.