Conflict: a short essay on the science of conflict management

Conflict may be an inherent part of work and personal life. Sometimes necessary to continue living life. Sometimes manufactured out of hot boredom to make life feel a bit spicier. Many people, especially those who score high in agreeableness, may find it uncomfortable and try to avoid it at all costs. However, it is not the frequency of conflict that matters, but how it is managed. As organizational psychologist Adam Grant points out, agreeing to disagree is not a valid way to resolve conflict. It is, instead, a defense mechanism to end the conflict quickly and avoid addressing the true issue.

Understanding the type of conflict we are facing is the first step to effective conflict management. Reducing the conflict motive to its core is equally important. The Ladder of Inference is a useful mental model in this circumstance. It suggests that at the root of conflict are distorted assumptions we make about the other individuals. This reminds me of competing commitments, the deeply rooted beliefs that can get us stuck where we are. As Adam Grant suggests, a possible way to explore the Ladder of Inference is to let the people involved in the conflict describe their own personalities during the resolution process.

"When someone disappoints you, it’s not because of their actions. It’s because of a clash between their actions and your expectations.
Understanding their personality can help you rethink your assumptions and conclusions… and adjust your expectations."

— Adam Grant

There are 3 main types of conflict:

1. Task-related conflict: This type of conflict often occurs in the workplace and is typically the most beneficial, as it is based on an external object or task that may not be clearly defined within a group or among individuals.
2. Relationship conflict: This type of dispute occurs when people's personalities and egos clash. It can be seen in families or between colleagues at work. It is often driven by ego and can blur with task conflict, becoming destructive. To resolve it, both parties must increase their self-awareness and awareness of each other. Personality traits can't be changed quickly, so it's important to work on attitudes toward conflict and relationships.
3. Status Conflict: "Status conflict is about where we fit in the hierarchy that we're in together. I may perceive myself to be higher in the informal status hierarchy than you, while you may think you are higher or equal in the hierarchy, but act as if you are higher" (CORINNE BENDERSKY).

Clarity of roles and boundaries within an organization or group is essential to prevent status conflict. Establishing mutual respect is also key in resolving status conflict, as it reduces the perceived threat of the interaction and makes people more open to working together and resolving the conflict. As Bendersky puts it: "that lowers the perception of that interaction being threatening and makes them less defensive and more open to working with the other person and maybe resolving the conflict."

Ultimately, managing conflict is about leaning into the initial discomfort, letting go of our own assumptions about life and other people, and overcoming our solution aversion bias. Creating a space where conflict is accepted and seen as part of the process of personal and professional growth is a key principle to include in our own attitude. Or it may not be worth it, and you can let go.

—

Read the full post: https://www.simonesmerilli.com/life/conflict-management