One decision maker and the others commit or leave

One of the most potent deterrents to decision-making involving multiple people is groupthink, when everyone goes along with the thoughts and behavioral patterns of the group to avoid being cast out. This is a strong evolutionary behavior with its valid reasons—being removed from a group can mean isolation and a higher likelihood of death.

One frequent manifestation of groupthink is compromises, where no one fully likes the decision outcome yet everyone says they agree to it. A compromise is when no one is satisfied with the outcome. The outcome was chosen out of fear of losing reputation/being part of the group, rather than conviction that it is the best possible way forward.

It seems to me this doesn't merely happen in groups. When you are supposedly alone making a decision, your thoughts are filled with stories and possible inputs from other people you know. We are in a constant conversation with the people close to us, often subconsciously, even when they are not physically present. What would they think of the decision? How would they be impacted? What would they do in my situation? And so on. That's one of the reasons why the advice "you are the average of the 5 closest people to you" is very popular and practically valid.

It is very possible that not everyone involved in a decision is satisfied with the choice. The best possible condition is where everyone involved gets the best possible outcome they desire (this is a great mindset for negotiations in particular). Sometimes that is not possible in group decisions, particularly when involving more than 2 people, because of the differences in personality traits and the stories each person tells themselves.

Then, it appears important, when in a group or personal decision, to appoint one person who is the final decision-maker. Not everyone can decide. Everyone can provide inputs. One person ultimately makes the decision, and the others commit to it no matter what or leave the game. In this case, everyone is playing the same game and there are clear rules. This creates clarity and frees up minds. We are prediction machines and enjoy the comfort of knowing what to expect when and how. Decision-making is an uncertain environment in itself (to varying degrees depending on the impact of the decision), so removing uncertainty helps.

There are popular decision-making frameworks based on this principle (one decision maker and multiple inputs) — for example, the RAPID framework by Bain & Company, or the Issue Resolution framework by Matt Mochary.

Ultimately, the capacity to lead (make the decision) or follow (commit to the decision made by someone else) is a great characteristic of effective leaders. If everyone tries to lead at the same time, the boat goes nowhere. If no one leads, the boat goes nowhere either. There is space to challenge the leader, change it, experiment with different methods, and that time can be carved out intentionally outside of decision-making.