Pay 100% of your attention to the person you are interacting with
You can unlock powerful connections when you pay close attention to the person you are interacting with. This may sound insignificant. I would argue it is everything but insignificant. Paying attention during a conversation does not mean pretending to listen by using the inauthentic body language techniques you may have heard of on a Thursday night TV show. There is more to it, and it starts from a deep, internalized conviction of non-conviction. You do not know how many things you do not know. That is one of the reasons why it may be a good idea to pay close attention and focus on what the other person has to say.
When you become a person, you integrate your shadow into your personality and behavior. Rather than suppressing your biological aggression, you harmoniously integrate it within your modus operandi. Aggression becomes your source of strength as opposed to self-limitation. And you become able to understand any situation, analyze it, and act according to the higher morale or your own best judgment.
When you become a person, you understand yourself better, and, as a consequence, you understand other people better. That is powerful because you are part of groups, a society, and social relationships. When you can drop your ego and material attachment to truly listen, you are facilitating another individual to become more integrated.
You need to let go of a part of yourself to listen carefully and open-mindedly. You let go of your deeply rooted beliefs, competing commitments, and current opinions. You open yourself up completely and decisively to what the other person has to say, truly. You may have a lot to learn from other people. If you do not listen with focus and a curious attitude, you are wasting an opportunity to learn. And you may get stuck in your current beliefs, so biased and partial they may be.
It may feel risky and dangerous when you open up to other individuals. You know very well how dangerous we can be as human beings. You may get hurt, and that is one of the reasons why you may be wearing armor when speaking with other people. But consider this: vulnerability is courage. Trusting other people is courage. Courage is the ability to open up completely and with relaxation because you know, deep down, that the best connections are created through vulnerability and trust. You may get hurt, but that is part of the process. The potential rewards are higher than the immediate danger.
Paying 100% of your attention to the person you are interacting with means making the other individual feel received, as psychotherapist Carl Rogers puts it in his book On Becoming a Person.
“I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand another person.
I believe this is because understanding is risky. If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change.”
“Whatever his feelings, whatever his mode of expression, whatever he finds himself being in this moment, he senses that he is psychologically received, just as he is, by the therapist.”
— quotes from On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers