Reflections on regrets of the dying and life lived forward

There is a well-known article and book that shines a light on the regrets of people in their last moments of life, from the perspective of Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse interacting with these individuals in their last months, weeks, and days of existence on Earth as we conceptualize it.

The regrets highlighted by Bronnie are: not living a life true to oneself, working too hard, not expressing feelings, losing touch with friends, and not allowing oneself to be happier.

Most of these regrets seem based on something not done, as opposed to something done. It seems that we tend to regret not taking action and trying things out to see how they turn out more significantly compared to trying something and discovering it was a mistake or not a good choice for some reason.

When attempting to draw lessons from these regrets, it seems natural to conclude that during life, it is important that you take your shot at your desires (particularly in the domain of relationships and self-awareness), because not doing so may end up in regrets when you reflect on your life backward.

Yet, life is lived forward. The tiny daily choices to do something or avoid it feel unimportant and at times overwhelming when our consciousness is pressed against the canvas of daily existence (a metaphor I heard from author Arthur Brooks), lost in and identified with the constant background rumination of thoughts arising and fading away every millisecond.

What is more important — what one thinks and feels while living life forward and making decisions that uncompromisingly shape one’s present and future self? Or what one may regret when reflecting on the past after experiencing life for many decades?

I can see the value of both arguments. Making decisions in the present to minimize regrets in your deathbed appears wise because if there is a belief pattern among people who have played the game of being a human much longer than you, incorporating it into your mental models is a good choice.

Similarly, your current daily experience matters, because you are living life forward, not backward. You cannot practically consider all the variables involved in your decisions. Developing a bias for action seems to be a valid choice nonetheless, in most day-to-day decisions you encounter.

When you desire something (and it is not a mimetic desire), taking a stab at it raises your confidence levels because it reinforces your alignment between your thoughts/beliefs and actions. Avoiding and suppressing your thoughts and desires can have the opposite effect—enhancing your levels of bitterness and resentment.

I believe that considering the most common “regrets of the dying” during your days can act as a potent heuristic (mental shortcut) to nudge you toward action and against conformity with entropy (the decaying natural state of things). With the same token, you do not want to miss the fact that you are living life forward, not backward, and are regret that important anyway?