repurpose: correct state of mind of give and receive feedback

According to the Oxford dictionary, feedback is "information about reactions to a product, a person's performance of a task, etc. which is used as a basis for improvement.”

Sometimes I have noticed that individuals or groups ask for feedback without meaning to get feedback. Asking for feedback has become a Pavlovian reflex similar to saying "I'm fine" to the question "how are you?".

When you give feedback, consider these:

1. Have something to say. If you have nothing to say, consider staying silent or taking some time to collect your thoughts and feelings before providing feedback.
2. Be candidly honest about your thoughts and feelings. Your objective is to facilitate the growth of the other human being you are interacting with. Growth doesn't happen in complete comfort. If the person asked for feedback--take that request literally in the meaning of the word feedback (see above). Don't fear upsetting the other person. They need to be in the correct state of mind to receive feedback too.
3. You may use a structure that goes like this: "When thinking about your behavior/performance about [...], I noticed [...objective statement]. This made me feel [...] because my experience has taught me that [...]. The way I would improve this is through [...].
4. Be as specific as you can be. Sharing your considerations with the feedback receiver is a gift for them. Make the most out of this opportunity. Don't polish your feedback to be politically correct. Take responsibility for every word you say because you must profoundly mean it.
5. Do not expect anything in return for giving feedback. You are providing a gift, and gifts don't need to be exchanged for something by definition. You are donating your goodwill, experience, intellect, and wisdom for the development of another human being. If you do this well enough, you can impact lives. And that's your reward.

When receiving feedback, consider these:

1. Only ask for feedback if you mean it and are ready for it. Being able to genuinely ask for and receive feedback is an interpersonal skill you can foster. Before asking for any feedback, it is crucial that you internalize the state of mind to get feedback: completely open to listening, radically unjaded to criticism, and accepting of what's received.
2. If you didn't ask for feedback, that's still a gift you're receiving. Ascend into the correct state of mind to grow instantly. Sometimes you may receive feedback or comments from people close to you without you asking for feedback. On such an occasion, observe your emotional reaction that may arise in the immediate, and let go of it just as immediately.
3. Don't incorporate all the feedback you receive. Some feedback doesn't deserve to be incorporated. Giving feedback is a skill too, and not many people cultivate it deeply enough to be able to provide true value. Discerning valuable from non-valuable feedback is a skill as well--just as much as the ability to drop the ego and listen attentively.

Often, people providing feedback did not think deeply enough about what to say and will provide socially desirable feedback to you merely to fill the gap. Be able to identify such a scenario, and then only keep the most valuable 1% of what they said as a growth point. 1% is still more valuable than nothing, in your journey to becoming a person.

4. If you notice something particularly valuable about the feedback you received, let the feedback giver know passionately. They are also clueless, and some direction can help them profoundly. Reciprocity is one of the fundamental social mechanisms at the basis of human interactions within a functioning society.

Resources:

• The Futur with Chris Do: How to give and receive feedback — with Eric Moore
• On Becoming a Person — Book Summary