Self belief and selflessness

At a gathering, an event attendant asked the Dalai Lama about his thoughts on low self-esteem. The Dalai Lama, perplexed about the question, had to consult the translator to understand the meaning of the concept of low self-esteem. Once grasped, he replies something along the lines of: “very rare”.

Low self-esteem is a concept we characterize in Western-oriented cultures as a lack of generative drive to pursue goals due to fear of failure through not believing that we are capable enough to achieve, or even pursue, the objective.

Some people believe this is a reality, and may get stuck thinking about the concept of low self-esteem, effectively caging themselves in the narrow mental model of the self it encapsulates. Yet, upon further inspection, self-esteem is innate to you as a human, and characterizing it as low or high is a thought you are manufacturing in your consciousness.

Self-esteem is necessary to live a positive existence characterized by tranquillity and alignment between the ideal and the real world. Quite counterintuitively, as Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo points out, you can’t cultivate self-esteem by thinking about self-esteem. Self-esteem is a by-product of being other-oriented, helping other people and doing things out in the world, thinking of the world more and yourself less.

There is a profound difference between thinking less of yourself (not useful), and thinking of yourself less (better).

— Kevin Kelly