Transactional Analysis
Relationships are seemingly one of the most high-value elements of our lives we can leverage to achieve a greater sense of sustained well-being. Relationships are exchanges of words and actions with other humans. One framework that highlights the roles we play in relationships is Transactional Analysis (TA).
Transactional analysis is a psychological framework developed in the 1950s that establishes three roles reflecting an individual's behavior in social interactions: the Parent, the Adult, and the Child.
“The unit of social intercourse is called a transaction. If two or more people encounter each other… sooner or later one of them will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. This is called transactional stimulus. Another person will then say or do something which is in some way related to the stimulus, and that is called the transactional response."
— Dr. Eric Berne
A cornerstone of Transactional Analysis (TA) is the belief that people are born 'OK' and possess an innate desire to grow and be healthy. It also holds the view that all emotional or behavioral issues are changeable. Therefore, individuals are fundamentally seen as worthy of respect, and all of us are characterized by an inherent relationship hunger, or the desire to be seen and understood by others.
Transactional Analysis (TA) suggests that any form of relationship interaction, or "stroke," whether positive or negative, is preferable to no interaction at all. For instance, if you walk past your house and encounter your neighbor, you might smile and say "Hi." If your neighbor responds with a "hello," this exchange is considered a positive stroke. Alternatively, your neighbor might frown and not respond, viewed as a negative stroke. However, both scenarios are preferable to being completely ignored by your neighbor (source).
The building blocks of Transactional analysis are the 3 ego states theorized by Dr. Berne: the Parent, the Child, and the Adult.
The Adult ego state is directly linked to the 'here and now,' or the present moment. It involves thinking, feeling, and behaving in the present. This state is associated with how we respond to external circumstances. For instance, upon the death of a friend, people might feel despair and sadness, they may cry or express anger. These are all Adult responses to the present reality. (Example from 'An Introduction to Transactional Analysis' by Phil Lapworth, Charlotte Sills).
The Child ego state refers to the brain's recordings of external events experienced up to the age of five. It encompasses the emotions and sensations perceived during childhood. Therefore, when an individual thinks, feels, and behaves in ways that echo past childhood experiences, they are in the Child state. Here's an example from the book 'An Introduction to Transactional Analysis':
“John, on arriving home from work, realizes he has forgotten to pick up the groceries. As his wife moves to greet him, John’s first thought is that she will be angry with him, he feels scared and hurriedly leaves the room. Outside of his awareness, he has responded to a current situation in the way he responded when, as a six-year-old, he forgot to run an errand for his mother.”
The Parent ego state, like the Child, is a vast compilation of historical experiences. However, in this state, these events are not our own but those of our parents or parent-like figures that we've internalized. The Parent ego state is typically developed within the first five years of life. When people think, feel, and behave in a way that mirrors their parents or parent figures, they are operating in the Parent ego state.
Not all interactions involve Adult ego states. Various combinations of ego states can interact, including Adult-Adult, Adult-Child, Adult-Parent, Child-Parent, and others. When analyzing these interactions, consider more than just the spoken words. How the words are delivered, such as tone of voice, as well as body language, facial expressions, and all other non-verbal signals are key aspects of these interactions.