Transference

You may find behavior patterns stuck like decades-old glue on a school desk within yourself. You may not understand the source of such stuckness, and why so many of your actions and thoughts appear to be driven by the inherent yet subtle pull of the glue. If you realize this condition in the first place, congratulations. It is not an easy feat. Now all sorts of questions and possibly some degree of self-criticism will surface from the depths of your persona.

In truth, as it is often recognized in traditional psychotherapy, many behaviors and preferences engrained within you are a result of your childhood, and in particular of what you have learned and witnessed from your parents/closest caregivers.

This concept is called transference. You have transferred some behavioral patterns from your parents, and you may not even realize it throughout your life. It can be particularly disruptive in your relationships because one of the main things you learn from your parents is how to act in a relationship. As you grow up, you may shine some awareness on that and turn your lessons into how not to act in a relationship.

Consider taking this lightly and accepting where you are with lightheartedness. That can be the place where you need to be to instantiate change. You will need to want to change, and that is only possible if you fully internalize this concept and recognize your inadequacies, and accept those in other people close to you.

Read about transference: https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/how-to-find-out-what-might-happen-with-a-new-partner/

Read about the art of relationships: https://www.simonesmerilli.com/life/uncomplicated-relationships