"When you have something to say, silence is a lie."

"When you have something to say, silence is a lie."

I have recently come across this quote. It resonated with me, and at the same time, I found a part of it potentially frightening. Generally speaking, the concept of telling the truth is accepted by everyone. Everyone understands the importance of "not lying" for living harmoniously with the people around us and society at large. Yet, slipping into the mundane and seemingly safe complacency of staying silent when we "have something to say" is a widespread practice, I would argue. This practice can be particularly marked if you score high in agreeableness. Agreeableness is a personality trait as part of the Big Five framework. Agreeable people tend to give in to other people's needs and expectations, sometimes just for the sake of avoiding conflict, since conflict is psychologically and physically draining. Sacrificing our own necessities and thoughts for pleasing others may not be a successful long-term strategy for fostering happiness and meaning. Being collaborative and compassionate is noble. Being excessively agreeable to the point that others can take advantage of your naivete can be damaging, both emotionally and psychologically.

An additional element to discuss when it comes to "not lying" is conflict. Very few people find conflict desirable. Sometimes well-thought-after conflict may be necessary. When we have something to say, we may be seeing something that others are not aware of. It may be an uncomfortable truth, or maybe just a cognitive distortion that is bothering us. In the former case, our words may spark the fire that starts open arguments, growth, improvement, or a drastic change in the toxic situation. In the latter instance, we rid our minds of the possible cognitive distortions consuming our mental capacity for clarity. Either way, leaning into the discomfort of speaking out carefully, elegantly, and free from the ego can be life-enhancing. There is an art to speaking the truth, one might say. Sometimes the object of the confrontation you are leaning toward is one of those things that has been building up in the air for some time and that everyone involved can perceive, but no one has (or can) put into words yet. We may pose our argument in terms of "us" first, detaching emotionally from our words and feelings. "Listen, I may be wrong, and this may be a cognitive fallacy of mine that I am experiencing. But I want to make sure that this is the case by letting you know what I am perceiving right now. I feel like you are setting excessively high work expectations for me, which often need me to stay up at night to work, sacrificing time with my family. I am growing resentful and cynical about this situation, as I would love to be a more present family member while, at the same time, I fear losing my job if I do not agree to all the projects and tasks assigned to me immediately. What are your thoughts on this? Would you say this is a reasonable view, or do you have a different opinion?"

It takes courage to be disliked to speak the truth of what we see happening in certain situations. It also takes a sufficient amount of vulnerability, courage, and letting go of the ego that would always prefer not to expose ourselves to the "dangers" of vulnerability. "When you have something to say, silence is a lie." This quote is an ideal we may strive for achieving every day, with the humility and exploratory hunger of a scientist who dedicated their lives to getting ever so closer to the truth.