Transactional Analysis: why we interact the way we do
While listening to the podcast 'Not Overthinking', I came across Transactional Analysis, which was the topic treated in the most recent episodes of the show through the explanation of the main points of the book 'I'm okay, You're okay'.
What is Transactional Analysis?
Interacting with other people is a regular activity we carry on in our lives. A rather normal one, accounting for the innate social aspect characterising human beings. And yet, despite having done it many times during the course of our life, we often feel naive and act on the basis of some unconscious forces shaping our interactions. Transactional analysis is a psychological framework developed in the 1950s which tries to establish 3 fundamental aspects of personality reflecting an individual's behaviour and social interactions. The Parent, the Adult, the Child.
Let's give some context. Dr. Berne, the creator of transactional analysis (TA), points out that the basis of this psychological framework are transactions. He explains the term in this way:
“The unit of social intercourse is called a transaction. If two or more people encounter each other… sooner or later one of them will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. This is called transactional stimulus. Another person will then say or do something which is in some way related to the stimulus, and that is called the transactional response."
So, human interactions are the driving forces of Transactional Analysis. This is one of the reasons for which dr. Berne believed that in order to understand a person it is fundamental to analyse his behaviour during social interactions, as TA is not based on what the patient says but rather what he acts out. So, also understanding body language and facial expression is a key aspect of TA, especially when it comes to using this framework in therapeutic settings.
One of the pillars of TA is that people are born 'OK', free from original sin and with a drive to grow and be healthy. In addition, all emotional or behavioural problems are considered changeable. So, people are fundamentally seen as worthy and as such must be respected. This does not imply that every behaviour, even if cruel and evil, is accepted. Rather, it means that beneath that behaviour it is key to see the person and value his/her humanity.
Strokes
Berne defined strokes as 'any act implying recognition of another's presence'. All transactions are, therefore, exchanges of strokes. And strokes can be verbal or non verbal. A simple 'Hello', a smile or a gesture are strokes and can satisfy our needs of interaction. The concept of strokes stems mainly from the belief that people need other people. In particular, Berne identified 2 inherent needs everyone has: recognition hunger, stimulus hunger. They have later been substituted by the concept of relationship hunger, which encompasses both of them.
According to TA, any stroke (be it positive or negative) is better than no stroke at all. "For example, if you are walking in front of your house and you see your neighbor, you will likely smile and say “Hi.” Your neighbor will likely say “hello” back. This is an example of a positive stroke. Your neighbor could also frown at you and say nothing. This is an example of a negative stroke. But either case is better than no stroke at all, if your neighbor ignored you completely." (http://www.ericberne.com/transactional-analysis/).
The parent, the Adult, the Child
The building blocks of Transactional analysis are the 3 ego states theorized by Dr. Berne: the Parent, the Child, the Adult. Before describing each of them, however, let's define the term 'ego state'. As the father of TA puts it, ego states are "choerent systems of thought and feeling manifested by corresponding patterns of behaviour." What this means is that the ego state is a state of being or experience which involves thinking, feeling and behaving. And ego states can be current (related to the present reality) or historic (belonging to the past).
Adult
The Adult is the ego state directly related to the ‘here and now’, the present moment. Thinking, feeling and behaving in the present moment. So, this state has to do with the way we respond to external circumstances: for example, in response to the death of a friend, people might feel in dispair and sad; they may cry and be angry. All of these are Adult responses to the here-and-now reality. (example from the book ‘An Introduction to Transactional Analysis by Phil Lapworth, Charlotte Sills).
However, the Adult state is, figuratively, a bucket which gets filled with each experience and our response to the situations we encounter during our lives). Consequently, in an Adult state we are not completely ‘new’. What is new is the unique experience and response we implement.
Child
This ego state represents the recordings in the brain of external events experienced until the age of 5. It is the perceived emotions and sensations during childhood. So, when a person thinks, feels and behave in ways that are a repetition of past, childhood experiences, they are in a Child state. Here is an example from the book An Introduction to Transactional Analysis’:
“John, on arriving home from work, realizes he has forgotten to pick up the groceries. As his wife moves to greet him, John’s first thought is that she will be angry with him, he feels scared and hurriedly leaves the room. Outside of his awareness, he has responded to a current situation in the way he responded when, as a six-year-old, he forgot to run an errand for his mother.”
Parent
The Parent, similarly to the Child, is a massive collection of historic experiences. In this ego state, however, these events are not our own experiences but rather a reflection of the ego states of our parents (or parent-like figures) that we internalize. The Parent as well is mostly developed within the first 5 years of life. When a person thinks, feels and behaves in a manner borrowed from their parents or parent-figures, they are in a Parent ego state. Going back to the previous example:
“As much as John has access to his Child state where he runs away scared by his mother, equally he has access to a Parent state which contains the introjection of his angry mother. Having access to this state, it would not be surprising if, had the situation been reversed and his wife had forgotten the groceries, John thought, felt and behaved from his Parent ego state in the violent manner his mother used by saying, for example, “You stupid fool, how could you forget such a simple thing!””
In conclusion, according to Dr. Berne, the simplest and most frequent transactions happen between Adults ego states. For example, a doctor surveys a patient and based on the data he/she will prescribe the best medication.
One must be aware that not all transactions involve Adult ego states. As a matter of fact, there can be many combinations of ego states interacting (Adult-Adult, Adult-Child, Adult-Parent, Child-Parent, etc.).
It is also important to point out that when analyzing transactions, one must take into account beyond what is being said: how the words are delivered (e.g. tone of voice), body language, facial expressions and all the non-verbal signals accompanying the interactions.
Resources:
Lapworth, P. and Sills, C. (2011). An Introduction to Transactional Analysis: Helping People Change. [ebook] SAGE Publications. Available at: https://www.perlego.com/book/861042/an-introduction-to-transactional-analysis