How your life choices are influenced by the role models you pick
A widely accepted concept in developmental psychology proposes that you are, and become, the average of the people you spend most of your time with. This belief stems from the social nature of humans. We thrive in communities and build relationships with others. Total isolation can have detrimental effects on a person's health and well-being (on average). This is because it contradicts the human need for social connections, which are crucial for healthy and productive survival.
Choosing the people whose behaviors, beliefs, and ideas influence you is a critical decision in life. The impact of relationships on work and life opportunities attests to this. Your next job is often secured through your relationships, as suggested by this study. Your reputation within your social circle and industry significantly affects your ability to find opportunities.
The concept of networking, which is prevalent in business contexts, is based on the widespread belief in expanding your sphere of luck and opportunities. As a young professional, you may be drawn to networking events with the hope of enhancing these aspects. However, this mindset can lead to a practical yet exploitative view of relationships, solely aimed at gaining more money, power, or a higher social status. These are subtle indicators of success that many covet, but are often downplayed because they are deemed unrefined by societal standards.
At the same time, in your life, you may cultivate relationships for the sake of establishing a deep connection with other people in an authentic, no-strings-attached manner. These are overt relationships that can provide fulfillment and a sense of safety and well-being.
Social media networks introduce you to a vast number of people you might never have encountered in the real world. Through these platforms, you gain insights into other people's lives, unseen. It's like observing people through a window, seeing them live out their lives, seemingly unscripted. This can lead to introspection about your life choices, especially when you feel lost and confused, while those you observe seem ecstatic and well-organized.
Being exposed to many people at once can often lead to confusion and envy. That's why selecting a few role models can significantly impact your life choices and direction. By doing so, you limit the people who influence you and carefully choose them based on the qualities you aspire to develop. You then emulate your role models' behaviors and lifestyles, which can be from real life or the digital world.
What is a role model
A role model is a person whose qualities you admire and aspire to embody in the future. Establishing a vision for your future self, particularly at a young age, can give clear guidance to your everyday decisions. This is especially true when considering a timeframe of 5 to 10 years. The Future Authoring Program is a helpful tool for this exercise. Having a clear purpose makes decision-making easier, as it acts as a filter to avoid being overwhelmed by options.
When developing a personal vision, consider this question: who do you admire and which of their qualities do you value? By identifying these traits, you bring them to the forefront of your mind and start to internalize them. This process provides a clear trajectory towards cultivating these qualities in yourself. By combining different attributes from various role models, you create your ideal self based on your own judgment. This is because you select the qualities you wish to develop and actively focus on adopting them over time through intentional practice.
So, if a quality you admire is the ability to speak the truth in any circumstance without being swayed or corrupted by the presence of other people, whatever their situational power and status, then you know that in order to develop this quality, you will need to practice it in real life situations. If you naturally tend toward withholding your real thoughts for fear of negative judgment and you have a long way to go to remove this cognitive dissonance from your life, then you start small, as small as necessary. You start practicing with the closest person to you whom you have a real relationship with. Then you start practicing this skill more with your family. Then at work, at a social event, and so on. You start with humility to meet your current self where it is, and then expand your surface of comfort slowly. Until you fully internalize the quality of candor in any situation, fully making it your own.
Robert Greene explains the process of selecting role models here.
Changing role models over time
Finally, your role models may change over time. What brought you here won’t take you there, as the saying goes. The different circumstances surrounding your life over time will call for renewal and change. Your ability to maintain a beginner’s mind and let go of your past self to effectively adapt to new situations as they arise is a hallmark of maturity. It will be needed all the time.
And with the “seasons” of life changing, so will your role models and the qualities you admire and would like to incorporate from them. You will build your own puzzle of life composed of multiple attitudes you find compelling. You internalize them and make them your own in a constant process of renewal, becoming the person you wish you were, the best possible friend you wish you had, the leader you wish you had.
Ultimately, your role models may evolve over time. As the saying goes, what got you here won’t get you there. The varying circumstances of your life will necessitate change and renewal. Maintaining a beginner's mind and letting go of your past self to adapt effectively to new situations is a sign of growth. This adaptability will always be necessary.
As the "seasons" of life change, so will your role models and the qualities you admire and seek to embody. You will create your own life puzzle, consisting of various attitudes you find compelling. Through a continuous process of renewal, you'll adopt these attitudes, striving to become the person you aspire to be, the best friend you wished for, and the leader you would want to follow.
