The identity trap: pay attention to not get trapped in your identity

Psychology

Feb 3

As Margaret Atwood points out in this interview: “The reason I resist closed boxes is that nature does not deal in closed boxes.” Nature does not deal in closed boxes. Nature is in constant flux, and so is the nature of your mind and existence. The process of becoming a person is malleable. And your identity is a constant negotiation between yourself and the people around you and society at large. You define your identity through others, evaluating and incorporating their explicit or implicit feedback.

No matter how much you claim to not care about what other people think, there is a trace of that within you, unless you are a pathological psychopath or sociopath (which is a tiny percentage of the population). The key is to integrate this aspect into your personality, so it doesn't become your shadow and take over your life. You don't want to let others' opinions stop you from taking action and fear putting yourself out there, as it is necessary for growth. At the same time, you don't want to completely disregard others' opinions and do things that can hurt other people and society.

Enclosing yourself in identity boxes can lead to staleness and close-mindedness, which can be destructive. You have the right to choose your beliefs and your mindset toward them. If you choose to get trapped in your current identity boxes, it can be difficult to escape. Alternatively, you can remain open and receptive to new inputs, which can help you update your beliefs and habits. This may be more cognitively demanding, as you need to evaluate new inputs from your surroundings, decide their value and how they fit into your worldview, identity and beliefs, and then discard or include them in your beliefs system.

Defining the identity you want to give yourself can be very valuable—temporarily—when you intend to establish a new habit. Habits can be challenging to pick up, and identity-based habits may help facilitate the process. This is a short-term tactic to integrate a new identity and mindset into yourself. In a way, this requires openness to experience and malleability. As James Clear famously suggests, starting a habit of exercising and eating healthily is a matter of framing it as I am the kind of person who trains every day and eats healthy food. This can be useful if you truly want to change your identity by integrating it with a new aspect.

Identity is negotiated, so you may face resistance when you try to incorporate a new identity into your personality. People who are not invested in your growth and are resentful may provide pushback. This can be helpful if it keeps you from making a "wrong turn" socially. However, it can be damaging if your journey is for your own betterment and mental health.

It is often recommended that we surround ourselves with people who genuinely want the best for us. These people can help us to integrate new identities into ourselves, or prevent us from doing so if the situation calls for it. Our willpower also plays an important role in this process. Willpower is limited, like a monthly budget for a typical household. When we overspend, it can be easy to slip back into old habits that give us a dopamine rush in the short term. The old can feel comforting, and it may not be the “best alternative to a negotiated agreement” sometimes.

Establishing a habit without attaching it to your identity allows for organic growth. When you attach your identity to something, you become closed off to new experiences and ideas. This can be dangerous, as you may become trapped in self-enclosed ideologies. These ideologies can lead to intergroup conflict, which can escalate to wars of varying scales.

You are constantly changing, and your perception of the same situation can vary depending on your life and state of mind. It is not the world that changes much, it is you. Being open to changes in your identity, no matter how small, can help you in life, as it encourages adaptability. Adaptability can keep you grounded and able to understand new trends and the world around you.